Nothing's 'happened', there are no great dramas or earth-shattering events looming on the horizon (for once), but this last week I've definitely felt a shift in my committment to my health + fitness. And I'm probably about right on target for history repeating itself. I am definitely one of those people who's a bit all-or-nothing when it comes to diet and exercise - I do it all 'properly', eating well every meal and following a regular schedule of activity, or pretty much nothing, and end up giving up. I've never found that ideal balance, I've never actually truly come to enjoy having to exercise and keep fit, and I am often somewhat resentful that I can't just eat what I want, when I want, and not have to deal with the repercussions. A totally hedonistic, self-gratifying state of being, I know.
This year, the light did go on in regard to what I *really* need to do to live the best life I can (I'm sorry - I cringe writing that, but seriously, it's the most fitting statement I could think of). How I feel is defined by what goes in and what comes out - what food goes in, and what activity comes out. This isn't a temporary fix - this is a required overhaul, and if I don't adhere to the terms and conditions that a healthy life requires, I'll be out of the running. And I mean that metaphorically and literally - if I don't fill my body with healthy food, I won't have the quality fuel I need to live well, and I certainly won't have the fuel I need to literally run.
Case in point: the kids and I went 'home' to my Mum's home town on the weekend for a family event, and there is always food galore wherever we go. Whilst I did temper my indulgences from what I would normally consume, it was the type of food I ate that did me in - bakery goodies, pastry goodies (pies, pasties, sausage rolls), fried foods, white bread, bacon and eggs, cake - you get the drift. I cam home on Sunday and went to the gym for my scheduled work out, and it felt like I'd become the lawn mower that just won't start, no matter how many times you pull the start cord. I completed my work out, including my Week 3 session of the Couch-to-5K, but man, it was *hard* work, and I know that it was because I was running on very poor quality fuel.
I could have prepared myself for the weekend, loaded the car up with plenty of fruit and healthy snack, and still indulged a bit in the other food on offer. But it came down to not being prepared, and that toxic 'can't be bothered' attitude that is so familiar. And you would think I had learned my lesson after that experience. Nup. I've kind of stayed in that 'can't be bothered' mode, even until this morning. After my weight gain at WW last week, I had realised that I really need to be dong some form of activity every day, not just the gym 3 x week, but I just couldn't be bothered. I know I need to be eating better, and being even more mindful about what I'm putting in my body, but I just can't be bothered. And yes, I realise how pathetic and whiny I sound. That's why I'm posting this morning, to record this state of being and be held accountable - to whom, I'm not entirely sure - but things need to change (again), and I need a good kick up the bum.
I did lose at WW last night - a whole 600g - and so what did I do? What any sensible person would do of course - headed straight for the fish and chip shop to drown my sorrows in a schnitzel burger and chips. Yep. And then my scheduled trip to the gym this morning? I wouldn't be sitting here typing this if I was where I'm supposed to be. Not the brightest crayon in the box at the moment, I know. In the interest's of not completely beating myself up, I did wake up this morning with a flare up of my arthritis, which makes it kind of hard to walk until after lunchtime, so I am intending to head to the gym after work. But the point is I'm finding it way to easy to make excuses and put things off again, and I'm familiar enough with my own self-sabotage to realise that I'm at a critical junction - I can carry on asand usual, and end up as I usually do, or make a U-turn and head back to where I was going. There is no end destination, rather a life-long journey of health and wellbeing, inside and out, and I know that I'm the only one who can make that choice, and travel that path.
To help me along the way, I'm going to record this journey in pictures, as well. In my previous weight loss attempts, I haven't taken pictures of myself in the process, maybe putting myself out there on the big wide web will be enough incentive to keep going when staying in bed feels like a far better option!
January 1 2011
February 12 2011
January 1 2011
February 12 2011So onwards and upwards from here on in, I know it's not going to be a walk in the park, and I know I'll hit the proverbial wall again many times. But that's the beauty of life - each new day is a fresh start, full of opportunity, it's up to each of us what we do with it. And if I can encourage someone along the way with my ramblings, even better. Enjoy :-)
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